Shiny and New > Old and Dusty

Any seasoned swiper has a phone filled with dead, useless contacts. The people behind the contacts seemed so cool, fun, fresh, and exciting when you first talked to them, but now it’s a couple days, weeks, or months later – and they might as well be trash. New is always better. These dead contacts are all people that were perfectly fine; they ARE perfectly fine – but there’s always more potential matches just waiting to be swiped on.

With so many options always at our fingertips, any slight feeling of discomfort or difficulty is enough to spell the end and any small lapse of attraction is enough to kill a potential connection.

  • Why continue talking to a girl who doesn’t like the same show as you when there’s 100 more girls that probably love it lying dormant in your swipe pile? 
  • Why respond to that guy who made a slightly corny joke when there’s a heap of tattooed, bearded hotties who haven’t said anything stupid yet? 
  • Why settle for someone who takes three hours to text you back when there’s a cache of new people one screen to the left? 

Quite simply, you don’t have to.

In 2019, people can and will unmatch you for any reason. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a perfectly fun and flirty conversation with a girl only to find her mysteriously absent from my collection of matches seconds later. I should be immune to it now – I’m definitely desensitized – but it still causes that moment of temporary confusion.

Wait. What? She unmatched me? Because I asked her what she does for work? No, that can’t be it… can it?

The new match waiting to happen is always shinier and more attractive than the people you’ve already talked to. But why?

It comes down to one simple inevitability: the person you’ve already talked to has already made some tiny mistake that proved they weren’t perfect. That new person you’ve yet to find is still flawless in your mind. They’re just waiting to show you everything good – and bad – they have to offer.

If you really want to use dating apps today, you have to fully accept and embrace the nonsensical nature of them and the people that use them. Yes, you’re dealing with real, live people. But no, you can’t expect the same manners you expect from people in real life

  • Girls will ask “How are you?” and then never respond when you say, “Good, you?” 
  • Guys will ask you if you like anal with their very first message to you. 
  • Girls will write that they’re sapiosexuals in their profiles but then get turned off by intellectual conversation. 
  • Guys will tell you that your friend in your third picture is hot and ask for her number rather than yours. 
  • Girls will happily chat with you for dozens of messages and then unmatch you when you ask to meet them. 

It goes on and on and fucking on.

If, all of a sudden, everyone’s swipe pile depleted at the same time – everything would change. The equation of supply and demand would be drastically altered. We would be forced to make do with the dozens or hundreds or thousands of people we’ve already discarded. Maybe, we would be nicer to each other. More patient. More considerate. Don’t worry, though, it doesn’t look like that will happen anytime soon.

More people use dating apps today than ever before and the trend doesn’t show any sign of stopping or reversing. Our piles of potential matches are getting bigger, not smaller. That means that people are seeing even less value in each other than ever before. 

If you’re sick of being unmatched or ghosted for no reason, toughen up, buttercup; it’s only gonna get worse.

-Kyle-


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